me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
