I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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