eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
