I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
