Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
