I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
