doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
