I think I died a long time ago.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
