You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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