Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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