I'm going to jail i love you
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
