Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
