So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I party with great urgency now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
