My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I want to fling myself into the sun
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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