There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
