Sponge bath it is.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
