life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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