32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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