guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
