Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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