Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Someone signed my nipple.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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