Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
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Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
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the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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