So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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