I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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