I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
