we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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