I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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