He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
