so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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