get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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