i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
