my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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