I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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