i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
