never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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