very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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