so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i dont even know how to be here
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
