I wish I could punch you in the face.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
