and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
did i just pee glitter
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
