hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
