i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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