my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
