I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
