i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
