If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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