he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
