I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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