No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
