I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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