So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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