i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
