It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
