Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Come share oat with me in your robe
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
