I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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