Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
