From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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