i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
