he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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