God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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