Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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