Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
