This girl is more easily done than said...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
