If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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