How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
