You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
