I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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