dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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