did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
