so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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