I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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