saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
