Sponge bath it is.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize