First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
