Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
