His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
