So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize