Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
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Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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