I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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