Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm passing your future prison.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
